The ending of a relationship is hard, no matter who is at fault. There are so many feelings and emotions happening at one time that you begin to lose focus. Life can become a blur and many people get caught in the area of depression. Thankfully, we have a loving father who came to set the captives free and break the yoke off our necks.
I have learned that when something comes to a traumatic or a unexpected end, there is a grieving process and a defining point of either getting stuck in that moment or being set free.
The first step is denial. It can be hard to understand and accept why a relationship ended unexpectedly ? It is during this period majority of people turn to drinking, promiscuity or other dangerous habits to cover the pain. Rather then deal with the issue head on they bury them deep down inside. Me for example, I use to rush into the arms of another man, just so I wouldn’t be alone, deal with the hurt or face the rejection. Little did I know that I was just adding to what God had to tear down. This is actually the time to we need to come to God and cry our heart out to him. Only Yeshua can heal and deliver us from the situation.
Next is the anger. Anger usually occurs when a person deals with the pain that is often carried and covered up. I have seen many people keep their feelings bottled in until one day it all explodes and they end up hurting other people. Others, I have seen literally become sick because the anger and unforgiveness started eating them from the inside out. One has to make a choice and confront the anger and release the other person. Now is the time to turn to God rather than run away. I have discovered that during this crucial time, standing on scriptures is critical. If allowed, God can begin to create a new heart and remove the stony one. In my instance, I had to ask The Lord to show me how to sincerely forgive my ex husband and bless him. I learned that if there was any unforgiveness in my heart, it would hinder my healing and any blessings in store for me. Since people are in a delicate situations during this time, it is good to be surrounded by strong people of God.
The third is bargaining. Here is where we start compromising with God, ourselves and our worth. Many times people tend to go back to the mess that they left or left us because they don’t know their worth. Other times they think if given another opportunity, they can fix or change the other person. Guilt usually follows right behind because condemnation begins. “What if I would of just stayed? What if I was prettier? What if I let him have more freedom?” We get so use to a rotten relationship that it becomes familiar and comfortable. One is not able to see that there were red flags before the ending. We get so blinded by the current situation that we can’t see that God has something better for us if we would just trust him. He came to give us peace and a sound mind.
Fourth is depression. This is a dangerous area if you don’t seek God. Unfortunately, here is where a lot of people get stuck and sometimes lose their life. No person is worth losing your life over. There was a time in my life when I went through a real bad depression. I tried to take my life that night but not before asking God, “If you are real and you hear me, show me your real. I can’t feel you or hear you. Do you even care?” I thank Jesus he spared my life that night because I am hear to tell you today that HE is real and HE hears you. Every single tear drop that you cry he catches and puts in a bottle. That night HE revealed himself to me and I knew without a doubt that Yeshua is real. Unfortunately, depression becomes so heavy that many lose the battle because they try to fight on their own and not with the word of Christ.
Jesus specifically calls out to us in this time of trial. He doesn’t only call on the people who have it together but to those who are broken. Psalm 119:105 “The word is a lamp onto my feet and a light unto my path.”. Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Jesus says in Matthew 11:28 “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Finally, acceptance happens. You already begun to deal with the pain and have started to lean on God. Your perspective changes and chains begin to break off. You are now free to start walking into your future. You have accepted and gleaned from this season. You begin to find your identity and worth again but this time it is in God, not man. You have forgiven yourself and/or others for any pain or guilt and are free from the burden of guilt, shame, regret and hurt. No longer can this person hold you back. You can now walk tall with your head held up high.
From my own experience, it is easier and faster to deal with a situation when you stand on the word of God. There is something about the name of Jesus that changes the atmosphere. When you start praising him and saying the word of God while your going through the mess, it is hard to stay miserable. Then one day it happens, the pain and hurt are gone. Your eyes and heart are open and your able to love again.